I was stuck at the traffic lights the other day when a hot
Holden Ute rumbled up beside me, its throbbing V8 and big wheels making it very
obvious this was a real bloke’s car. But my initial impression was shattered
when my ears were assaulted by what was blaring out of the stereo.
*NSYNC. Yes, the car that screams blokeyness almost as much
as Stubbies shorts and a singlet on a hot summer’s day was being defaced by a
boy band.
The fact that such sacrilege could even be considered in the
first place is a crime against all blokes. A Holden Ute should have AC/DC, The
Angels, Screaming Jets, Rose Tattoo or anything with howling vocals and searing
guitars pouring out of the speakers.
This bloke (and I use the term ‘bloke’ loosely) was bopping
along and lip syncing to Bye Bye Bye like crazy. Even worse, he had his windows
all the way down so everyone on the road could get an earful of this noise emanating
from what was probably a very expensive stereo system that deserved to be
treated with far more respect. He should have had them firmly wound up so he
could hide his shame.
I think we have all had music moments behind the wheel that
we’re not proud of. I’m a family man and The Wiggles’ Big Red Car has copped
more of a hammering than Back In Black in recent years.
It’s a far cry from the late 1980s when I got my first car. And
I have a confession - my wheels were not very blokey.
I was the owner of a Toyota Celica since my old man, who
parted with some of his hard-earned to get me on the road, flatly refused to let
me get behind the wheel of a rubber-burning monster.
At least the car had some redeeming features - it had two
doors and a cool electric blue paint job, and at the first opportunity I
dressed it up with gold mags. Actually, I could only get three gold ones and
had to spray paint a silver mag for a matching set. The rest of the paint went
on my Adidas Romes, which at the time I thought was a pretty cool thing to do.
Anyway, I was content with my wheels, even if my mates were
driving Toranas, Cortinas and Falcons. That was until I was cruising through
town one day and some of my peers asked if I enjoyed driving my mum’s car
around.
At least the music that came out of it was a bit blokey,
even if some of it was ‘80s big hair band music. Whitesnake and Joe Satriani
mixed with The Angels and AC/DC quite well until someone loaned me their mix
tape. They didn’t tell me Bon Jovi was on it and the tape deck rightfully
chewed it up at the first playing of Livin’ On A Prayer.
But do you want to know the best car music of all time?
Queen’s classic Bohemian Rhapsody, thanks to the cult movie classic Wayne’s World. Remember when
Mike Myers and his mates were in that sad little car and as soon as Freddie
fired up they started headbanging like champions? Top stuff.
To this day whenever that song comes on the radio while I’m
driving I carry on just like Wayne and his mates. It’s all in the timing. And I
don’t care if anyone sees me do it either. At least it’s not *NSYNC.